- I'm a college admissions coach and have read thousands of applications.
- Successful students have proven adaptability, intellectual vitality, and executive functioning.
- These soft skills aren't easily listed on an application.
After working in college admissions for decades, one thing has become clear to me: The students who stand out are not necessarily those with the most polished résumés or perfect grades.
I've worked on Ivy League admissions committees and as a consultant, so I've reviewed thousands of applications. The strongest candidates almost always have three soft skills: adaptability, intellectual vitality, and executive functioning.
These traits are not always the most visible on paper, but they show up in the choices students make and the stories they tell. When I consider any college application, I look for these three traits to see how the students would adapt to college life and the real world later on.
In my book "Get Real and Get In," I focused on individuals who demonstrated these skills and got into their dream schools. Let's look at how past students exemplified these traits, even before their careers took off.
Adaptability: Turning a "no" into a "yes"
For my book, I spoke with Aaron Kirman, who is now one of the top real estate agents in the country.
He struggled with learning disabilities and a speech impediment throughout his school years. He was held back in first grade and often felt like an outsider academically and socially. He was rejected from every single school he applied to, including the University of Southern California.
But Kirman didn't give up. Fueled by what he described as "a mix of anger, disappointment, and desperation," he wrote a heartfelt letter to USC explaining his challenges and his determination to succeed. That letter made the difference. USC reconsidered and admitted him through a support program for students with learning differences.
As a former Ivy League admissions officer, I would have taken note of this kind of self-advocacy immediately. We looked for students who showed adaptability, resilience, and resourcefulness.
Of course, not every student will have the opportunity to transform rejection into acceptance. But the most compelling stories often emerge when students adapt to everyday challenges — maintaining focus during academic struggles, demonstrating meaningful growth over time, or navigating personal obstacles with grace and purpose.
Intellectual vitality: Asking the bigger questions
Raya Bidshahri, founder of multiple educational platforms, is known today as a futurist and science communicator. But her journey began with a deep, sustained curiosity about the world.
In her Dubai high school, Bidshahri demonstrated remarkable intellectual vitality through several initiatives, most notably, co-founding Intelligent Optimism with her mentor Rohan Roberts. This social network centered a rational, evidence-based, and positive outlook on human progress. The network expanded internationally, eventually growing to hundreds of thousands of followers.
This curiosity and initiative beyond the norm of expectation is what admissions officers call "intellectual vitality." That mindset is gold in admissions.
Bidshahri's entrepreneurial and education-driven projects played a major role in her admission to Boston University. Her application stood out because it reflected an authentic pursuit of knowledge and impact that extended far beyond the comforts of her own mind and community.
Executive functioning: Turning vision into impact
Katlyn Grasso began college thinking she would do both business and pre-med, but she quickly realized her true passion was entrepreneurship.
In high school, Grasso transformed her leadership roles into vehicles for real impact. She co-founded two nonprofits to earn her Girl Scouts Silver and Gold Awards, served as class president, and captained the softball team. What truly distinguished Katlyn wasn't the titles but the substance behind them. Her ability to organize thoughtfully, lead authentically, and follow through relentlessly set her apart.
Whether launching a community program or rallying her teammates during a tough game, she demonstrated a rare combination of strategic vision and execution skills. She lived her values and turned her commitments into meaningful action. In her applications, she was intentional about highlighting her core passions: leadership, business, and learning.
She then framed her activities through that lens, proving executive functioning. It helped her gain admission to Wharton.
As someone who's reviewed thousands of applications, I can say that executive functioning often gets overlooked. But it's a hidden driver of success.
These stories show that getting into college isn't just about what's on your transcript; it's about how you think, adapt, and follow through. For students looking to stand out, cultivating these traits is one of the most powerful ways to show colleges who you are and what you're capable of becoming.
