- My twin sister and I live together, and I almost always earned more money than her.
- I'm older than her by seven minutes, and I take my role as an older sister seriously.
- She started to outearn me, and it changed our dynamic. We had to adjust to our new relationship.
My mom likes to say that I pushed my twin sister out of the way so I could be born first. She was born seven minutes after me, and I've been bossing her around ever since.
As the "older" sister, I stepped into the role easily, with all the traits of an older sister you might expect: bossy, a bit of a know-it-all, a worrier, reliable.
I started working at 17, and while I've had jobs in very different industries, including retail, hospitality, and energy, one thing has remained the same — I always outearned my sister.
While she moved to a new city for college and struggled to find work back at home each summer, I lived at home for my studies, which allowed me to keep my role in the retail industry for several years as I progressed through the company.
A few years later, after graduating from college, we both got jobs at the same company, and for a while, we were earning the same amount of money. This didn't last long. After four years, I was unexpectedly offered a promotion, and during this time, my freelance work was picking up, so I was earning significantly more than my sister.
My sister found a higher-paying job after we returned home from traveling
This all changed in the spring of 2024 when we both quit our jobs to travel. We both had fallen out of love with the roles we were in and despite how well-paid my job was, I was itching to find something new in a completely different industry — journalism.
After eight weeks of traveling to six different countries, we returned home to find new work. My sister found another job immediately. From August 2024, she began to significantly outearn me as I scrambled to find a job and pursue freelance work. Journalism feels bleak right now, and I was under no illusion that it would be easy. However, in the meantime, I have been fortunate to start working part-time at an educational charity while I continue my freelance work.
My sister is now outearning me by $20,000. This change in circumstance has brought about a complete role reversal, and we are now experiencing a change in our dynamic.
Over the years, I have helped support my sister financially as we go on holiday together and rent a two-bedroom apartment together. Now, I'm watching every penny as I juggle several different roles, wait for invoice payments, and earn less than I did this time last year.
Adjusting to our new dynamic has been difficult
It's been difficult to navigate this new dynamic in our relationship. Though I'm only the older sister by seven minutes, I've truly embraced my role. I'm so used to helping and supporting my twin in any way I can, and now I'm having to rely more on her. She's offered to pay for a vacation together in May because I'm unable to afford it. She puts more money in our joint account to cover bills because she knows my salary doesn't stretch that far. When the car we share broke down, she paid to have it fixed in full rather than us splitting the cost like we used to.
While I'm so happy to see her succeed in a job she really enjoys, I'm hit with moments of jealousy, anger, and disappointment as I am the one now struggling to support myself and having to ask for help while she's become financially independent.
We had to address the role money plays in our relationship
We will always remain close, but we have had to acknowledge that our relationship has fundamentally changed. It was a struggle for a while, with her being frustrated that we can't do things that we used to, like going for dinner once a week or going on several vacations a year. After one of our more brutal arguments, we knew something needed to change. So now, at the end of each month, on payday, we sit down and take a look at our finances and see what we can afford for the following month.
I look at what I need to pay off and whether I owe her any money, and we have an honest conversation about upcoming costs and how we're going to manage things together. We've since made a promise to each other that we're not going to let our change in dynamic affect our relationship with each other or our family, and, going forward, we will try to navigate this as openly and as honestly as possible.
