Over the years, we've taken a number of trips that included my parents, my siblings, and our families. We've stayed at beach houses on the California coast, cozy cabins in Tahoe, and waterfront hotels on Maui. My mom has always taken the lead on these vacations with the rest of us along for the ride.
For my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, we decided to use some timeshare points and plan a week at an all-inclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta. As a travel writer, I have visited Puerto Vallarta many times. I researched the flights, shared them with my extended family, and booked them for my husband and kids. We coordinated our flights so we would all arrive together.
While doing this, I realized this is the first time I've taken the lead in planning a trip I'm on with my parents, and it made me see how our roles are changing.
It's hard not to return to childhood roles when traveling with my parents and siblings
On past family trips, I was used to my Type-A mom being the boss, making the plans, and having everyone else go along for the ride. This time, I was in charge.
As a Type-A organizer myself, I started by booking a shuttle service to take us from the airport to our hotel. I knew that when you are tired from travel, the arrivals area at the Puerto Vallarta airport could be overwhelming with persistent timeshare salespeople trying to get your attention.
Pre-booking our van meant that we didn't have to worry about how to get 12 people and their luggage to the resort. Best of all, I got the shuttle driver's contact info and arranged additional rides for us during our stay by messaging him on WhatsApp. I was nailing my new responsibilities.
Taking the lead was something I was willing to do
While I'd usually wait to see what activities my parents wanted to do, I went ahead and researched excursions I thought the group might enjoy (not an easy feat with ages ranging from 8 to 75 in our group of 12).
We spent one afternoon eating way too many tacos on a food tour. The next day, we went on a half-day trip that included ziplining, cooling off in a natural swimming hole, and tequila tasting for the grown-ups.
I sent text reminders to bring towels and sunscreen, and kept everyone updated on the lobby meeting time. I sometimes felt like I was bossing everyone around, but they seemed to appreciate not having to think about the details.
More on vacationing with family
When a friend mentioned using a professional photographer to capture memories during her family vacation, I knew I wanted to schedule the same for our trip. It was the perfect way to commemorate my parents' anniversary, and the colorful photos hold a prominent place on kitchen photo displays in all of our homes.
Having older kids meant I could focus on the group as a whole
With my kids now in their teens, I didn't have to worry as much about their needs during this trip. It freed up mental energy for me to take over some of the coordination.
By the end of the trip, I realized the biggest milestone wasn't my parents' 50th anniversary. It was recognizing how much our family dynamic had changed.
For decades, my parents had been the ones coordinating vacations and ensuring everything ran smoothly. Without consciously planning to, I had stepped into some of those responsibilities. What surprised me most was that my mother seemed relieved to hand them over.
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