- I graduated from college around the same time my grandmother died.
- When I couldn't get a job, I moved in with my grandfather.
- We became even closer during the three years we lived together. I'm grateful for that time.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that certain people have an undeniable force surrounding them. My grandfather has always been one of those people in my life. Ever since I was little, I've been enamored by him. He moves through the world with an unwavering sense of confidence, a blend of street smarts and book smarts that makes him both inspiring and, at times, maddening.
He's the kind of wise where, even when I don't like his advice, I know deep down I should listen.
The year I needed his advice the most was in 2019, the year I graduated from college, which happened to be the same year my grandmother passed away. As my senior year wound down, I had precisely one job offer. It was with a small event planning company, offering a laughably low salary and no benefits. It wasn't the dream job, but it was a job, and who was I to turn down my only option?
I called my grandfather. He didn't sugarcoat it: "It's not a good deal." So, I turned it down.
The job market was brutal, so I moved in with my grandfather
A few weeks later, I graduated with no job and no plan. I felt lost. My grandfather, meanwhile, was adjusting to life without his wife. I asked if I could stay with him in Birmingham, Alabama, for a few weeks while I figured things out. He agreed, and soon after, I moved in with him and his rescue dog.
Since I'd only ever visited with my parents before, those first few days were spent observing, trying to understand his rhythms. Shoes off at the door. One trash can for trash, one for garbage (I still don't know the difference). Beds must be made. Water cups can stay by the sink, but everything else must be hand-washed — though I later convinced him the dishwasher was worth using. Eggs are cooked with butter (lots of it), never oil.
Not only does he have rules, he has a routine, as well. Saturdays are for dinner with friends; Sundays are for family. And at the time I moved in with him, he was 80 years old and still working as an ENT surgeon. While he used to work five days a week, during this time he worked two days a week, on Mondays he performed surgery and on Tuesdays he did office visits. Again, an inspiration.
I had only planned to stay for a few weeks while I applied for jobs in big cities, like New York, L.A., anywhere but Birmingham, Alabama. But the job search was harder than I expected, and to my surprise, I found myself enjoying Birmingham more than I ever anticipated. I settled into a routine. While my career felt stalled, I was growing in other ways.
His rules were the structure I needed
Living with my grandfather taught me discipline and structure in a way college never had. His rules, which at first felt arbitrary, became the guardrails I needed. He never told me what I wanted to hear, only what I needed to. And most of all, he showed me what it meant to love your work, because to still be a practicing surgeon in your 80s and enjoy every second of it? That's something special.
I had always thought highly of my grandfather, but living with him helped deepen my admiration. It's easy to think of grandparents as relics of a different time, and while I never saw my grandfather as outdated, I also never saw us as equals. He was someone to look up to. But then, somewhere along the way, we became friends. Best friends.
We gossiped, laughed, and cried together. He consoled me. We watched Ozark every night until we ran out of episodes. I read romantic novels on the patio while he smoked a cigar and told me stories about his trips to Miami with my grandmother.
Moving in with family after graduation felt like a step back, but it wasn't
Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. We lived together through the pandemic, through the time he got hit by a car and severely broke his ankle, through his retirement, through my first job and my first resignation, and through the moment I met the boy I'm about to marry.
I only stayed for about three years, but they were three years of profound growth, both personally and professionally. Had they not happened the way they did, I know I'd be a different person. My grandfather is the reason why I'm now driven, more confident, and more sure of myself.
It's easy to feel like moving in with family after graduation is a failure. Like it's a step backward. But for me, it was three steps forward. And for all three of them, I have my grandfather to thank.
