- My 6th grader and I watch shows together that some parents might say are inappropriate for her age.
- I still set boundaries, but I've found that viewing these mature shows together can be beneficial.
- I'm creating a safe space for my daughter and I to connect over and discuss important topics.
My artistic 11-year-old enthusiastically handed me a sketch of Aziraphale and Crowley from "Good Omens" acting out a scene from the "Heated Rivalry" finale, where Shane comes out to his parents. It was the part when Shane doesn't quite know how to define what he and Ilya are to each other, and when Ilya says they're "lovers," Shane says, "No, Ilya, that's gross." It's the funniest part of the show. Crowley was Ilya, in case you were wondering.
No, I did not let my sixth grader watch "Heated Rivalry," but I did show them pre-screened TikTok edits set to Taylor Swift songs, and we watched clip compilations of Ilya's best lines. And, OK, yeah, I caved and watched episode 5 with them because there's no sex or nudity — they had enough context from the edits and loved the episode, especially the last couple of minutes (IYKYK).
Right this second, my tween doesn't hate me or think I'm embarrassing (which I think is true most of the time). In fact, they seem to love everything I love; we have inside jokes and trade memes and YouTube videos. I attribute this to our similar temperaments and senses of humor, and to the fact that we watch TV together nearly every night.
The shows we watch aren't usually ones my kid's friends have watched, and a lot of them are rated TV-14 or even MA, which means the show is meant for adults. While a lot of our favorite shows aren't for a kid audience, I've used the opportunity to have hard conversations and find points of connection with my kid.
I started this tradition young
We began our nightly TV time together after I got a divorce in 2020, when my kid was 6. Once their little brother was asleep, we would have an hour or so to ourselves, a rare chance to hang out just with us. We began watching "Once Upon a Time," which turned out to be a great way to have conversations about single parenting, blended families, and emotional regulation — all issues we were tackling in our lives.
I realized that watching television together gave us a unique opportunity to connect. From there, I chose shows I have watched and loved, hoping they would be rich in content for conversation.
Each show offers something different
When we've watched "Good Omens," "Heartstopper," "Schitt's Creek", and carefully curated sections of "Heated Rivalry," together we've talked about queer representation and other related topics, including how many challenges queer people faced in the past and today.
When we watched "Lost," we discussed the hubris of man (Jack, Locke, and, actually, all the men on that show) and mortality (they were NOT dead the whole time).
When we watched "Gilmore Girls," we saw a version of our own relationship reflected back to us and talked about the parenting dynamics, Rory's questionable decisions, and dating.
We read and watched all the "Hunger Games" installments and talked about how Katniss is a strong eldest daughter and how fascism is bad. If I can tie in a show we're watching to reading, I'm thrilled, but it's not a requirement.
If we just need a comfort watch, we tune in to "Doctor Who," but there are even lessons in that show about kindness and accepting differences.
I'm creating my own safe space for important discussions
While I pick most of our content, my kid gets to bring suggestions to the table as well. Their current obsession with the musical "Epic" on YouTube has opened the door to learning about mythology, reading longer books, and, again, discussing the hubris of man.
"Hamilton," which they've been into since kindergarten, and which started streaming on Disney+, fostered discussions about slavery. We also acknowledged our discomfort about Hamilton's affair. When something is "inappropriate," which almost always means sexual, we talk about it, or I put a pin in it if it's too much to get into right before bed.
By age 12, 40 to 75% of kids have been exposed to porn, according to Child Mind Institute. Via our nightly ritual, I hope I can curate a safe space to talk about sex or relationships that isn't based on content that might be exploitative, too graphic, or violent.
Sometimes bringing up a tricky topic directly makes my kids shut down, but when it's filtered through the lens of fiction, it's a bit easier for us to talk about hard stuff. I think watching these mature shows has strengthened our relationship and given us a shared language to discuss our feelings. Plus, it has become my favorite part of the day.
