- I went to college at 40 — when I was a mother of five children.
- My first statistics class was so difficult that I became stressed and ignored my motherly duties.
- When my schoolwork became so stressful that I fought with my husband, I dropped the class.
When I was 40, I decided to finally go to college. My father told me I shouldn't enroll in college right after high school, so I waited. It took me several decades to finally work up the courage to apply.
At the time, the problem wasn't just my age; I was also a mother of five children. My youngest were twins in the second grade, while my oldest was starting high school.
My calendar was crammed with family obligations, yet I tried to fit in three courses per semester at a community college. I decided to focus on general education requirements first before transferring to a four-year university to study English.
At that time, I was an integral part of my children's education — and played a key role in feeding and caring for the whole family. I promised the children and my husband they would remain my first priority — but that proved more difficult than I thought.
I struggled with one class, which caused a lot of stress
Math has always been difficult for me. I took a statistics class because Statistics I and II would transfer to a four-year university so I could complete my bachelor's degree in English.
This was only the beginning of my college career, and already, I was taking far too much time away from caring for the family. It got worse when my new statistics professor wouldn't allow questions in class. He wrote his notes on the board, and we were supposed to magically understand.
I tried to make an appointment to meet with him outside class, but he didn't have office hours. He was an adjunct who taught at a few different colleges.
So, I set up an appointment at the tutoring center on campus, taking more time away from the family. However, the young tutor's idea of solving statistics problems only confused me more.
To feed my fear of failure, the professor gave weekly quizzes that I failed to complete in the allotted five minutes. I couldn't teach myself to become faster in constructing a frequency table.
That college degree seemed to slip from reach as I doubted my ability to pass college-level math.
I started to damage relationships at home
I often stayed home trying to accomplish homework I didn't understand while my husband took the kids to family parties. I rarely left the house to buy groceries. I lived with a statistics book in my hand, burning dinners, and undercooking pancakes — the children's favorite. I snapped at the kids whenever they tried to ask me questions about their homework.
My husband and I no longer discussed family difficulties. Instead, I became the difficulty. All we did was argue. I could no longer concentrate on anyone besides myself and my inability to pass one of my first college courses.
I had broken the promise to my family. I was miserable, and so was my family.
I couldn't allow this course at the beginning of my college career to destroy us. Family has always been my main priority, and a college degree shouldn't come between me and my love for them.
I had to rethink my approach to stress and college courses
If I couldn't change my ability, I needed to change my perspective. This professor was simply not right for my learning style. But I couldn't afford an "F" on my school transcript.
I had to shed any feelings of killing my role model status for the children. I couldn't worry about losing the money for the course or the time needed for my college career. I had to keep my family together and discover a way forward in my education.
Counselors at the school informed me I could withdraw from statistics without penalty to my GPA. It would be a lateral move. I had to remind myself that withdrawing from a class does not make you a failure.
Then, I looked for a professor who permitted countless questions in class and could explain the math procedures with different methods. It took two semesters, but I rescheduled Statistics I with a professor who was better suited for me. I survived and moved on to Statistics II with the same professor.
Obtaining a college degree takes time and determination for parents. It took 10 years to receive my bachelor's from the University of Pennsylvania — but it was worth it, and my family is all the better for it.
