- Tom Trotter was an active, sporty child and trained hard as a rugby player.
- In his 20s, he became obsessed with working out and barely socialized so he could control his diet.
- The 29-year-old has rebuilt a healthy relationship with food and exercise and enjoys life once again.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Tom Trotter, a 29-year-old fitness coach and social media strategist based in London. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I've always had an obsessive personality. I lock into something, and that's it. I commit fully to everything I do and don't want to be mediocre.
It's a trait that's helped me build my business and social media presence, but it also saw me get unhealthily underweight by overtraining and restricting my diet.
Entrepreneurs are often a bit obsessive, it's hard when you start a business. I approached my fitness with the same mindset. I had tunnel vision.
I used to think my worth came from being as lean as possible. Now I know that food is fuel and if I want to perform my best, I need to eat enough. Also, life's too short not to enjoy delicious food and drink.
It's a work in progress and I've come a long way, but I wouldn't change it for anything.
Rugby culture was work hard, play hard
Growing up, like most kids, I didn't give nutrition a second thought. I was smashing in Nutella on toast or grabbing a bowl of Coco Pops while racing out the door to play football with my mates. I didn't know or care what a calorie was.
I was always really sporty and active, running around, building dens, kicking a rugby ball. It turned out I was all right at rugby and liked chucking my body around. After school, I went to a rugby academy where we were nurtured to become professional players, so I was training pretty much full-time.
Training and workouts were structured but there wasn't much emphasis on food. Protein was important but rugby culture was also a lot of boozing and going out. We worked hard and played hard.
I went to university and kept training and eating a lot, it was relatively healthy food but I was still drinking a fair amount. I weighed nearly 200 pounds and was really strong.
Overtraining made me feel in control
When I was 24, I decided I didn't want to pursue a future in rugby and wanted to spend more time making social media content, so I went traveling around the world and spent two years living and working at a gym in Australia.
That was when everything changed. I loved training and had always done so for the sake of rugby. Now, I didn't know what I was training for, but I became obsessed with getting my workouts in.
I was out of my comfort zone but I'm a creature of habit and routine, so training became a form of control for me. I now realize I was overtraining.
I got leaner and leaner and my following grew. I was having fun and enjoying it.
After I'd been away for a year, I met up with a mate in Singapore. He walked into the hotel room and said, "What the fuck, Tom?" The last time he'd seen me I was that 200-pound rugby player, and then I was literally gaunt, weighing under 140 pounds.
I was a bit oblivious though. My lifestyle had become normal to me.
I ate a restrictive diet
When I came back to the UK I kept up the same routine. I woke up at 5 a.m. every day and spent all day training and filming content. I wasn't eating tiny amounts, but I was definitely under-fueling for how active I was.
I barely ate any carbs and had next to no social life because I hated not being able to control my food. Eating out, you can't ask for something not to be cooked in oil or just to have egg whites rather than whole eggs. But I was really restrictive to make sure what I was eating wouldn't be fatty or ruin my "goodness."
To me, "goodness" meant training loads and not eating much to stay lean.
I remember my mum commenting on my lips being blue and my siblings making comments under their breath, but that was just what my family is like about everything.
I've always followed my own path. When you start a business, you're going to be that weirdo working long hours, and not everyone will understand it. So when they would say, "Why are you so skinny?" I just saw it as another dig and carried on doing my own thing.
My body started to show signs of weakness
I've always been resilient and pushed my body hard. But looking back at that time, I see my lips were blue, I was always really cold and gaunt in the eyes, my skin looked bad, and I just wasn't healthy.
My body fat was incredibly low, maybe 2% or 3%, and my veins were showing. Some people thought being that shredded was cool, but I wasn't in a good way.
I had zero sex drive even though my partner, Rhiannon, is the most beautiful girl in the world.
In 2021, I went to get a blood test, and the results showed that everything was out of whack. Rhiannon was emotional because we wanted to start a family one day, and that wasn't looking good in my state.
I saw an endocrinologist and still have yearly appointments now because when you mess your body up that much, it takes time to recover.
Going back to performance helped me rebuild
While the medical tests planted a seed, it wasn't a huge wake-up call.
But over time, I started to change my ways. Signing up for big fitness events like marathons and triathlons helped me because I started realizing food is fuel. I'm very competitive, and eating more allowed me to perform better.
I remember my mum being shocked when she walked into the kitchen and saw me eating a bagel.
My mindset gradually got back to how it had been with rugby: performance-focused. Do I want to smash my marathon time? Yes? Well, I can't do that without fueling up well.
I now weigh around 165 pounds and my quality of life is so much better.
Focaccia, Aperol spritzes … I love being able to go out with friends and not worry about it.
I'm always going to be obsessive because that's my personality, but I'm learning to do it in the right way. Facing adversity, setbacks, and struggles makes you stronger, so I wouldn't change my journey for anything.
Do you have a story about overcoming disordered eating that you would like to share? Contact Rachel Hosie: [email protected]
