I moved to another state to be closer to my kids and grandkids. It wasn't the dream I thought it would be.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Feliz Hebert, 69, who moved to Somers, Connecticut, to be closer to family, then ultimately moved back to Cape Cod, Massachusetts. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

In 2006, my husband and I moved back to Massachusetts after living in Florida for a while. I had grown up in Springfield, Massachusetts, and had also raised my children there, but we decided to settle on Cape Cod instead.

We lived on Cape Cod for 12 years and built a life we loved. We made close friends, got into routines like going to the gym and golfing, and my sister lived nearby. At the time, we really thought we would stay there.

But when I retired in 2021, I started to worry about whether we could keep up with the cost of living on Cape Cod. We didn't have an extravagant lifestyle, but it's an expensive place. We were also getting older, and I wanted to be closer to my children and grandchildren, who live in Hampden, Massachusetts.

That year, we sold our home and moved to Somers, Connecticut. We thought it would be a good fit because it was only about 13 minutes from Hampden and 30 minutes from Springfield. We already knew people there and were familiar with the area.

But the move didn't turn out the way we had planned. Our kids and grandkids had their own lives, and while I thought I'd be able to slide right back into my old friendships, those friends had moved on, too. And when it came down to it, while the cost of living was a little lower in some ways, the difference wasn't huge.

I didn't have the same social life in a small town

Within the first month of living in Somers, I realized it wasn't for me. I felt regret — almost like buyer's remorse. But I wanted to give it a fair shot.

Somers is a very small town. There's one main street, a bank, two gas stations, a church, and a town hall. There is no pharmacy in town, so you have to go to a nearby town, Enfield, which has a wide variety of retail stores and restaurants.

Over the four years we lived there, I had a difficult time adjusting. I missed my social life. My husband is the type of person who could stay home 24/7, but I like to go places and do activities. There just wasn't much for me to do in Somers, and life started to feel monotonous.

Over time, I also realized that being closer in distance to family didn't necessarily mean we would spend more time with them.

We would go over to our kids' houses on Sundays, but often, they were catching up on errands, grocery shopping, cleaning, and everything else they didn't have time for during the week. They did nothing wrong — it just wasn't the quality time we had hoped for.

For a while, I tried to push those feelings down, but that didn't work. Eventually, I talked to someone who had gone through something similar, and she told me, "I know exactly how you feel." Just saying it out loud made a big difference.

So little by little, I started sending Zillow listings to my husband. Finally, he asked, "Do you want to list the house?" And I said yes.

Moving back to Cape Cod was expensive but worth it

In 2025, we sold our 2,100-square-foot home in Somers, which we had bought for $362,000, and moved back to Cape Cod.

Our new place is a 1,500-square-foot, two-bedroom, two-bathroom midcentury modern home that cost $727,000. It's about 500 square feet smaller than our home in Somers, but that's fine with us.

The price was definitely a shock, but we had made almost $300,000 from the sale of our Somers home in a relatively short period, which was amazing.

Even though we still think about the cost of living on Cape Cod, our day-to-day life here feels much fuller, and I have never been happier.

There's something to do almost every day, unlike in Connecticut. There are all kinds of free events here, and there's a real sense of community. I recently did a beach cleanup with a group of people I didn't know, but we all came together for the same purpose.

My husband and I are also back at the golf courses we used to play on, and we golf three times a week. We also go to the gym twice a week. When we first got back, people at the gym were saying, "Oh my God, it's so good to see you. Where have you been?"

Quality of life matters at every age

Our kids were a little sad when we moved, but they understood. We sat down with them and explained that the decision had nothing to do with them. We were honest, and they understood where we were coming from.

Now that we're back in Massachusetts, they come to visit us. The quality of the time we spend with them on Cape Cod compared to Somers is night and day. When they're here, they're coming to see us. It's not like we're going to their house while they're caught up in their day-to-day routines and trying to fit us in.

Coming to us also gives them a break. They both work — our daughter-in-law is a stay-at-home mom, which is a full-time job, too. Here, they can get out of their normal environment, relax, and let someone else take care of them for a bit.

I believe your quality of life matters at every stage of life, and it makes a big difference.

If you're thinking about moving to be closer to your kids or grandkids because you want to be part of their lives, I would definitely talk to them first and see where you would fit in.

For me, moving back to Cape Cod came down to being happy, following my heart, and making my own life good.

It's like when you're on an airplane, and they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else. That's how I see it.