I'm 56 and got tired of being ghosted after job interviews. Here's the strategy that kept me moving forward.

8 hours ago 7

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Michael Shmarak, a 56-year-old communications and PR professional from Northbrook, Illinois. It's been edited for length and clarity.

I never really thought of ageism as a thing until I went through interviews in my 50s. I realized it when I saw a fuller head of gray hair, and my daughters said, "Dad, maybe you should frost your hair blonde." I thought, "Okay, I'm really in trouble."

I am 56, and since 2024, I haven't been able to find a full-time job.

I've worked in communications and PR since the late '90s, and was in charge of global communications for an ad tech company. Then, in 2023, the company laid off many people. I was one of them.

I've been working on multiple consulting projects. Besides my fractional work, I work in retail and also teach once a year at Northwestern University. I'd love one job, but working a few small ones helps keep me visible.

After my layoff, I applied to oversee communications for an advertising technology company. After six interviews with their internal recruiter, the CMO, and four other executives, I never heard from them again. I got disgusted with being ghosted multiple times in my 50s.

It was this immediate feeling that I'd done something wrong, and it was a big downer. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I was depressed about work and had no motivation.

I eventually found ways to get out of the doldrums and get stronger as a result of it. Here are some things I've learned about how to overcome challenges when you're looking for work in your 50s.

I've done things that a lot of younger people haven't done

After being ghosted, I had to do a lot of soul-searching. My first step was taking a step back to ask myself, "What is it that I'm really good at, that no one else has got?"

I realized that, as impressive as my résumé was, it was still in the rearview mirror, looking at what I did in the past. I was not looking forward and demonstrating how I'd deliver value for the future.

When I started changing my mindset, it completely shifted how I approach work.

Now I look at how I achieve things. When you're 50, you have to look at all the things that you have that are advantages ahead of younger people. What can I do to teach them? What can I do to bring that experience to the table? That's more forward thinking, instead of saying, "I have 25 years of experience in an industry."

50-somethings can learn to stop resting on the laurels of what we've done, and start focusing on the value we continue to deliver.

'Bob and weave' employment is a thing for the 50-plus crowd

I've heard so many excuses from hiring teams as to why I wasn't being hired — economic conditions, high interest rates, and AI. I internalized them too much as nails in my coffin.

Then I started seeing more of my peers in the same situation, facing the same self-doubt. I realized there were thousands, if not millions, of people facing the same thing that I am, and I needed to pivot away from the challenges and from internalizing the hurt.

I had to keep moving forward — as if I were bobbing and weaving playing dodgeball.

The idea of bobbing and weaving is that, as different challenges come at you, you don't let them stop you. Like in dodgeball, you're not letting that be the thing that tags you out. You continue to dodge and keep going.

The more steps I took, the more I realized I can compete with — and in many cases, stay ahead of — anybody that comes in my way. That's what we have to do as human beings, let alone as job seekers in our 50s.

If you can't get hired full-time yet, stay visible with fractional and part-time work

I know a lot of 50-somethings who aren't doing full-time work.

Some people will tell you that in their 50s, they like the flexibility of gig work or of having multiple roles. I'd prefer to have just one job, because I know what value I bring.

My main income is my fractional work — but since I also work in retail part time and teach once a year, each of those things provides great learning experiences, and they keep me physical. I'm doing things to help stay networked in ways that maybe other people aren't.

The interview process has become surprisingly disrespectful

The most surprising thing I've seen while job searching in my 50s, compared to when I was younger, is a lack of courtesy or respect.

When I was a hiring manager in past roles, I'd hire people who were both older and younger than me. I always looked for someone who had good ideas; I didn't care if they were young or old, I'd want them on my team.

The number of times I've heard about friends of mine in their 50s being ghosted — it's such a slap in the face to people. I don't care how senior or junior a role is; there's a lack of decency, and I'd love to see that come back.

Use your own moral compass as your best strategy

Having experienced being ghosted myself, I found that using my own moral compass is my best strategy. A line that has become the centerpiece of my life is, "You cannot have a livelihood without a life." The minute I heard those words, it helped me reset everything.

When you're in your 50s, you start to look at the totality of what you've accomplished in your life. I had my own agency when I was younger, and I have the most amazing and supportive wife and children a guy could ask for. I'm healthy. I have a roof over my head. A lot of people can't say that.

If I continue to focus on the center of my life, which is my wife and my children, and I build those relationships and strengthen them, that's what really matters.

See being 50 and older as a competitive advantage and superpower

I haven't lowered my expectations about my career and what I can achieve in my 50s — it's the exact opposite.

I've actually elevated my expectations because of the idea of forward thinking and figuring out what value I bring. 50-somethings actually have more opportunity now, if they allow it.

I see being 50-plus as a competitive advantage. I think of it as a superpower. When you're 50 or older, you've been around the block. I've seen things that younger people haven't seen. People should want that on their team — some of my gray hair and older brain cells to help fill their opportunities.

When you go through an unsuccessful job search, it might feel like a knife in the heart. You have to remember that you can't change the past — but you can control your future.

Are you navigating a career change in your 50s? Contact this editor, Tess Martinelli, at [email protected] to share your story.

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Robin Madell has spent over two decades as a corporate writer and communications consultant in New York and San Francisco, serving as a copywriter, ghostwriter, and speechwriter for executives, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders across diverse industries, with a focus on productivity, work-life balance, stress management, and women's leadership. As a business journalist, Robin contributes to Business Insider's Strategy section, and her work has also been published in Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Forbes, US News & World Report, and many other business publications. Robin is the author of "Surviving Your Thirties: Americans Talk About Life After 30" and has contributed to many business books including "Ditch Your Inner Critic at Work: Evidence-Based Strategies to Thrive in Your Career," "Rise to the Top: How Women Leverage Their Professional Persona to Earn More," and "Be Your Own Mentor: Strategies from Top Women on the Secrets of Success," published by Random House. Before starting her own business as a corporate writer, Robin held executive positions in communications, journalism, and advertising, including as vice president and managing director at Draftfcb in New York, as managing editor at Cline Davis & Mann, and as director of communications at Catalyst, Inc., on Wall Street; she has also served on the Board of Directors of the Healthcare Businesswomen's Association in New York and San Francisco. An avid runner and two-time Boston Marathon qualifier, Robin graduated summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa with honors from University of Oregon, a.k.a. TrackTown USA, where she majored in English — visit her on her website or connect with her on LinkedIn.