- Just before I turned 31, I ended a 10-year relationship.
- The decision was difficult to make, but I learned a lot about myself while healing.
- I actually love spending time alone, and I've become so much more confident.
Last year, I ended my relationship a few days short of my 31st birthday after spending months on end considering what the best thing to do was and how we could salvage what was left of our decadelong partnership.
In the end, as heartbreaking as it was, I couldn't see another way forward. Making the decision to break up was scary, not only because of how long we had been together but also because, being over 30, as much as I hate to admit it, I subconsciously felt like damaged goods. But I also learned from the experience.
I actually enjoy spending time alone
I've always valued alone time, but this is the first time in my life that I've been spending an extensive amount of time by myself. Surprisingly, I realized that I love it.
Yes, it can get a bit lonely sometimes, and there are times I find myself going to the gym just to be around people. But waking up to a complete and utter quiet and being able to do whatever and whenever I want is also pretty blissful. Living alone is a different kind of freedom that I never experienced before.
Speaking my mind is important
As someone who used to be codependent in the first few years of my relationship, I spent years being a people pleaser. This ranged from minor things like not voicing my opinion if I wanted to see a different film at the cinema, agreeing on a holiday destination I wasn't too interested in, or acting like certain situations didn't upset me even though they did. I told myself that I was easygoing and not causing hassle.
I learned the hard way that if I'm not OK with something, it's my job to voice my opinion because my partner can't read my mind. I wasn't, in fact, nice and easygoing; I was not advocating for myself, which is a highway to resentment.
I have to budget more now, but I feel more in control of my finances
In London, where I live, it's pretty common for people to live in flat shares in their early 30s, but I knew I couldn't go back to sharing a flat with strangers, even if it meant that I might need to consider selling my kidneys to afford rent. Having my own space is fantastic, but it also means that I'm spending double on rent and bills.
Because of this, I finally took budgeting seriously, and while I've got less disposable income, I've also never felt this in control of my finances.
Some relationship clichés are true
It sounds silly, but I finally understand a lot of clichés I used to roll my eyes at. For example, "love isn't enough." I used to think that our love could move mountains. But then, little by little, mistakes are made, a few too many words are said, and one day, you wake up and catch yourself thinking that maybe love wasn't the powerful force you thought it to be and that you can't build a successful relationship on love alone.
I'm more confident in myself than I ever was
Having gone through the loss of someone so close to me has put things in perspective. As heartbreaking as making the decision was, and as much as I'm still grieving my relationship, I also feel stronger. There are so many couples that stay in relationships because they're too scared to leave, even though any positive feelings they had toward each other are long gone.
Ending my relationship has built a level of trust in myself that I never had before — the kind that you only feel when you know that you have your own back. I don't get as stressed by small problems and big life changes because I trust myself to be able to handle them.
