- I've moved eight times, so I'm used to making new friends while maintaining old relationships.
- To do so, I think it's important to go beyond surface-level conversations.
- I also like to stay in touch by sending my friends spontaneous gifts and planning trips.
After living in Denver for three years, I finally met a group of women who all seemed to be looking for the same thing: an unfiltered, "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" type of community.
It felt like a dream — fun and easy friendship that could get beautifully deep, as if I'd known them forever.
Then, just months after I'd finally found "my people," I moved to Atlanta. Suddenly, I was 1,400 miles away from the friend group I'd always wanted, but I was determined to keep them in my life.
Luckily, this was far from my first move (it was my eighth) and I don't plan to settle down anytime soon, so I'm no stranger to maintaining long-distance friendships.
Here are some of the best things I've learned about keeping my loved ones close despite the distance.
Oversharing makes you hotter
In my experience, moving and making friends in adulthood is a difficult, vulnerable process. Small talk and niceties don't exactly cut it anymore.
Some friends and I have been going through The New York Times article, "The 36 Questions That Lead to Love" in our group text, and we recently hit one of the darker ones: What's your most terrible memory? We discussed everything from postpartum depression and divorce to impending doom — you know, the light stuff.
The truth is, I don't really know what my friends do for work, but I do know when they've got a case of imposter syndrome or how their trauma is affecting their new relationship.
Oversharing encourages these unfiltered conversations, and in turn, makes me feel closer to my long-distance friends.
Texting isn't the only way to stay in touch
In my opinion, texts and two-word Instagram captions aren't always enough to stay in touch with people.
Luckily, I've found other ways to make staying in contact a lot of fun. For example, I'm obsessed with the app Letterloop, which takes our responses to questions and compiles them into newsletters for us all to read.
I also recommend sending video messages, brain dumping voice memos, and blogging on Substack. Or, better yet, pick up the phone and call.
"Thinking of you" gifts are the best gifts
I love a spontaneous present. I recently opened — and devoured — a box of baked goods from a long-distance home-baker pal.
Another friend randomly got a Shrek print from me in the mail. Why? Because she loves Shrek.
It's easy to forget milestone dates like birthdays and anniversaries when you don't see friends regularly, but it's also easy to treat them to random things when you think of them.
Get the trip out of the group chat
The biggest, and most ironic, thing I've learned about keeping long-distance friends is that I have to make the effort to see them in person. Finances and schedules can get in the way, but I genuinely never regret planning trips around friends I haven't seen in a while.
For example, my husband and I flew back to Denver for our buddy's annual Passover Seder, and it was well worth the trip. Another time, I met a friend from my Denver comedy group in New York City to see a concert.
Whether it's being a tourist in their city for a weekend, meeting somewhere in the middle, or flying to Europe to see the band we used to love, odds are we're planning to use our PTO anyway. So, why not spend it with a dear old friend?
