- You've heard of the "compliment sandwich" — softening a critique by bookending it with praise.
- There's a 3-step method you might find more helpful when having a difficult conversation.
- It's similar but takes the compliment sandwich a step further by closing on a suggested action step.
How do you effectively deliver constructive criticism to a colleague at work? Everyone who's ever done it (and anyone who's struggled to) knows it's not an easy conversation to have.
You probably also know, all too well, the makings of the "compliment sandwich," a long-relied-on fallback in cases like these.
It goes something like this: You open with a compliment to ease into the conversation, then segue into the critique you're really there to give, and finally close with another piece of praise to end on a good note.
While a compliment sandwich can be a solid starting framework (though it's not without its critics), a variation on it might offer a more effective way to share constructive feedback.
Daniel Post Senning and Lizzie Post, etiquette experts with the Emily Post Institute, told us about that method. Their book, "Emily Post's Business Etiquette," went on sale May 20.
"Compliment sandwiches work, I understand that idea too: You want to give someone enough positive reinforcement that they can take the negative," said Post Senning. "But let's take one of those positive reinforcements and try to make it as constructive as possible."
One 3-step alternative riffs on elements of the compliment sandwich while advancing it a step further. It's the praise-concern-suggest method.
Before you get into the conversation, give your colleague a heads-up about what kind of talk it's going to be — think of priming them for a difficult conversation.
"This lets someone know, 'Am I about to say yes to a conversation about something I need to take very seriously, something I need to be open-minded about, something really great to share?'" said Post. "Because 'Do you have a minute to talk?' could be about anything."
During the actual conversation, mention why you're bringing up the issue and what your coworker, not just you, stands to gain from the discussion and any resulting solution.
"Don't assume that someone else understands your good intentions, but be willing to state them, be explicit, and say the obvious thing," said Post Senning. "Directly talk about it being for their benefit as well. Make it clear that you care about them, particularly if it's going to be more difficult."
You might say you're raising the concern because you care about the success of a project you're working on together, or about their success at work, or your professional relationship with each other.
Then, you'd start the same way you would with a compliment sandwich: Offer a piece of praise, as some workplace research has indicated that this can be important.
"Don't just start off with the bad; wading into the shallow end first, not diving too deep too quick, gives you a chance to feel someone else out and get a sense of their response or reaction," said Post.
For many people, the hardest step is bringing up the issue at hand. You want to be direct and clear, and remember why you're having the conversation in the first place.
It can be challenging, however, "you have to be willing to raise problems if you want change," said Post Senning.
Where this method differs from the compliment sandwich is its ending. Rather than closing on a compliment, you offer a possible solution or action step to address the issue you just raised.
"The cost of admission to raising an issue where you want change in someone else's behavior is a willingness to participate in the solution in some way," said Post Senning. "They may or may not take it, but just having done enough work to offer some future direction, some willingness to participate, to not just dump a problem on someone's lap, is important."
Lastly, it can help to depersonalize the criticism so it's about the issue, not the person. One way to do this is to say something like, "If the shoe were on the other foot, I would hope that you would feel comfortable talking to me about this."
It's a way of saying, "This isn't about you, this is about what's going on here, the work that we're doing, and I would really hope the same standards would apply to me" if the roles were reversed, said Post Senning.
And, of course, the conversation doesn't necessarily end with your closing suggestion.
"Be ready to listen, be ready to negotiate," said Post Senning. "You might have an idea. It's one thing to listen, but then there's a follow-up step. You also have to be willing to stay flexible and actually hear what you've just been listening to and reformulate your thinking in relation to it in terms of priming yourself mentally on the other side of that equation."
